It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
