cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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