absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
