Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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