Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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