He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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