she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
