please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
