I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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