i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize