Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
