and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Dignity is for republicans.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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