Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
