he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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