No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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