Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
