Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
