...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
