My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
