I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize