I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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