He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
your like the ambassador to my penis.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
