I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
