I bet he comes in French.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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