Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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