It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
