Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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