I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
