hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
