Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
