my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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