I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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