I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
