Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
