I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
