I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
