My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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