Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
