The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
All I want is dick and wine.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
