i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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