I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
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