I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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