I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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