I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
