make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
