JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
