wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
