you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
