I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
