she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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