I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
