I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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