Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
