I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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