ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
