At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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