I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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