my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
