Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
