I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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