She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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