He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
