the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
