Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
