I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
