sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
