i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
