i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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