no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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